Interesting post on Phill's blog about hetero-phobia: http://virtuphill.blogspot.com/2010/10/anti-hetero-rhetoric-implicit-or.html
Here my thoughts:
There is a slight difference between saying: annoying black couple and annoying white couple. also between straight couple, ick and gay couple, ick.
All depends on the society this happens in.
Power structures in our society favour people who have certain characteristics. The word power always sounds very strong. Actually it's just about being considered to be "normal".
So a normal person is a man. A normal person is white. Normal history is European history. A normal person is heterosexual. At least in our society here.
So when you put a sign on a toilet the men's gets little man, the lady's gets the skirt version of a man. Things are real/honest/traditional or ethnic/"World"/International. You can watch a romantic movie/romcom or a gay/alternative film.
In this country you can also speak normal or speak funny.
All that excludes quite a lot of people (both the non-normals and those who don't like to see the non-normals excluded). And these people either shut up or say things that shock the ones belonging to the powerful groups.
I don't know your facebook friend but she/he may have meant to raise awareness for the hetero-centric worldview and shock people by saying that couples are not automatically heterosexual. It could also have been just a discriminating statement, which would be wrong. But not as wrong as "ew, a gay couple" as the gay couple is not in the position of power, doesn't receive protection and confirmation from society and cannot just brush off these hurtful comments.
But yeah, in the status, the word was unnecessary and wrong.
15.10.10
Hee has made some interesting points on her blog post about “How Capitalism gets a grasp on you” and I can't wait for her update.
I've got some thoughts about this topic which is quite important for people in our age group.
1. Idealism becoming realism
It's quite easy for young people to have strong beliefs and ideals. After all, it’s much easier to maintain these ideals for someone who has not yet seen the complications of life, earning a living and having responsibility for others. This puts things in perspective. When you live in a self-centered world, which you do as a young person, you have not yet experienced the complexity of human society. While you subconsciously know that the world out there is extremely complex you tend to simplify and apply theoretical models (models are always simplifications) it to make it less scary. I remember how smug I was when I was a teenager. You don’t believe what your parents want to tell you and come up with models of how things work while constantly looking for evidence which confirms your view. Once you are forced to seriously rethink your ideas, which can happen at different stages (university, first real love, work), you realise that the world isn’t black or white but gray – a very unattractive colour for a young person who just wants to be interesting and unique and needs some reference points to hold on to.
2. Capitalism and being busy
I’m not sure if working and being tired afterwards is a capitalist thing. I think it’s just a fact of life. People are just like bees or ants. The whole point of your existence is to make life better for society by contributing to a bigger project (bee hive, family, company, nation, humankind). That is very exhausting but rewarding (for me at least). That’s why people like to talk about how busy they are. It means they are making a valuable contribution. But since everyone just says that all the time nowadays I have stopped believing it. I am personally not that busy.
3. Ideals and Capitalism
What you say about the rat race and losing your ideals is still something worrisome. I don’t think that growing up and understanding responsibility is an excuse for letting go of your ideals. It all becomes problematic when people think that just because they’ve made their contribution (i.e. earned their money) they can now lean back and switch off their brains.
This makes people lose their empathy. There is this funny idea that people deserve to get pampered, indulge and spend their “hard earned money” the way they want. I’m not sure if this is Marx’ theory but this whole idea of deserved apathy (the disconnect created by money between how you consume and where it comes from) is a big problem.
And I don’t think it makes people happy either. London is one of the best places to watch the rat race and this delusional idea to be able to buy happiness by following the standard path to bliss (job, house, marriage, kids). Many people who arrive here feel very self-conscious because it’s all so urban and rich – and they are not. And that’s when you’re all set to enter the rat race yourself:
You don’t do what feels right (no empathy) and is right (apathy) but what you’re told is right (what the others do).
One of my least favourite status updates of these people on facebook is “just left the office :(“ posted at 9pm, which to me sounds like “It all seems so pointless but the clock says that I can’t be that useless.”
Can everyone please listen to themselves do things that feel right and stop doing things that feel wrong and get you down?
I've got some thoughts about this topic which is quite important for people in our age group.
1. Idealism becoming realism
It's quite easy for young people to have strong beliefs and ideals. After all, it’s much easier to maintain these ideals for someone who has not yet seen the complications of life, earning a living and having responsibility for others. This puts things in perspective. When you live in a self-centered world, which you do as a young person, you have not yet experienced the complexity of human society. While you subconsciously know that the world out there is extremely complex you tend to simplify and apply theoretical models (models are always simplifications) it to make it less scary. I remember how smug I was when I was a teenager. You don’t believe what your parents want to tell you and come up with models of how things work while constantly looking for evidence which confirms your view. Once you are forced to seriously rethink your ideas, which can happen at different stages (university, first real love, work), you realise that the world isn’t black or white but gray – a very unattractive colour for a young person who just wants to be interesting and unique and needs some reference points to hold on to.
2. Capitalism and being busy
I’m not sure if working and being tired afterwards is a capitalist thing. I think it’s just a fact of life. People are just like bees or ants. The whole point of your existence is to make life better for society by contributing to a bigger project (bee hive, family, company, nation, humankind). That is very exhausting but rewarding (for me at least). That’s why people like to talk about how busy they are. It means they are making a valuable contribution. But since everyone just says that all the time nowadays I have stopped believing it. I am personally not that busy.
3. Ideals and Capitalism
What you say about the rat race and losing your ideals is still something worrisome. I don’t think that growing up and understanding responsibility is an excuse for letting go of your ideals. It all becomes problematic when people think that just because they’ve made their contribution (i.e. earned their money) they can now lean back and switch off their brains.
This makes people lose their empathy. There is this funny idea that people deserve to get pampered, indulge and spend their “hard earned money” the way they want. I’m not sure if this is Marx’ theory but this whole idea of deserved apathy (the disconnect created by money between how you consume and where it comes from) is a big problem.
And I don’t think it makes people happy either. London is one of the best places to watch the rat race and this delusional idea to be able to buy happiness by following the standard path to bliss (job, house, marriage, kids). Many people who arrive here feel very self-conscious because it’s all so urban and rich – and they are not. And that’s when you’re all set to enter the rat race yourself:
You don’t do what feels right (no empathy) and is right (apathy) but what you’re told is right (what the others do).
One of my least favourite status updates of these people on facebook is “just left the office :(“ posted at 9pm, which to me sounds like “It all seems so pointless but the clock says that I can’t be that useless.”
Can everyone please listen to themselves do things that feel right and stop doing things that feel wrong and get you down?
9.10.10
Hee has expressed her own view in her blog and I really enjoyed reading and thinking about it. Have a look:
http://insatiablehee.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-like-it-in-my-own-interpretations.html
I don't believe we really disagree on anything. We're both in for the anti-sexist cause (Hee suggested avoiding the term feminist) and encourage sexual expression. However, I don't think that the campaign is an expression of liberated sexuality.
Here's my reply:
Hi Hee!
I really should blog more because it's much more about articulating and listening than just getting short-term attention (as on twitter, facebook).
I agree with all you are saying and I would even go further in terms of female sexuality. I believe it's not only time/necessary for women to become more sexually confident and articulate but to take the next step and assume the predatory role.
Why am I saying this? Just like you, I cannot live in a sexist society because sexism mostly equals homophobia (i.e. aggressive behaviour towards me and my partner). In a sexist society men are the ones who make sexual choices and have the right to judge and evaluate women as they wish. Being confronted with men who tear down this paradigm (i.e. judge their looks and lust over them) makes sexist men uncomfortable and aggressive. That's why women have to join in as well. It's a common fight against sexism and homophobia. So go for it!
Having said this I don’t think this campaign does women any favours in this fight (and breast cancer awareness). First of all “I like it on the stairs” is not a confident sexual statement, especially when the escape clause is “I only meant my handbag”. If you want to talk about sex, talk about sex.
Second, I still think the campaign is sexist because its success depends on the sexual confirmation from (heterosexual) men. It may create a feeling of belonging and sorority, which is great, but all of this is just based on a common act of weak and self-conscious (escape clause) titillation of heterosexual men. Not the fact that participants talk about their sexuality is objectifying but that they use their sexuality in a cheap way ‘to get attention from the boys’.
Is this campaign about creating solidarity among women? This is a worthy cause although I would try not to be exclusive. But if it is, is sexual innuendo the way to go? Do women have to create sexual thoughts from heterosexual men to get attention as a group? All at once? As many as possible? Does that send the right signals? To me, this sounds a bit like a “girls gone wild” fantasy created on Facebook – for heterosexual men. There must be a better way.
And one last thought about what you said about the terms sexism, racism and feminism. I agree that people have to be careful when they want to get a point across not to put people off by using strong words. But I also believe that there is so much *ism around and I don’t want to save the word for the one serious cause when I can finally use it. The everyday racism and sexism are the ones people suffer from all the time and it’s important to speak up to make a change. It may get annoying and people may become tired (e.g. by my saying ‘heterosexual men’ all the time) but at least I have created some awareness and people will understand that there are some things which you cannot just say or do. And that’s all I want. Not change them but make everyday life a bit less *ist.
I want to hear more about your fight against racism and sexism.
http://insatiablehee.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-like-it-in-my-own-interpretations.html
I don't believe we really disagree on anything. We're both in for the anti-sexist cause (Hee suggested avoiding the term feminist) and encourage sexual expression. However, I don't think that the campaign is an expression of liberated sexuality.
Here's my reply:
Hi Hee!
I really should blog more because it's much more about articulating and listening than just getting short-term attention (as on twitter, facebook).
I agree with all you are saying and I would even go further in terms of female sexuality. I believe it's not only time/necessary for women to become more sexually confident and articulate but to take the next step and assume the predatory role.
Why am I saying this? Just like you, I cannot live in a sexist society because sexism mostly equals homophobia (i.e. aggressive behaviour towards me and my partner). In a sexist society men are the ones who make sexual choices and have the right to judge and evaluate women as they wish. Being confronted with men who tear down this paradigm (i.e. judge their looks and lust over them) makes sexist men uncomfortable and aggressive. That's why women have to join in as well. It's a common fight against sexism and homophobia. So go for it!
Having said this I don’t think this campaign does women any favours in this fight (and breast cancer awareness). First of all “I like it on the stairs” is not a confident sexual statement, especially when the escape clause is “I only meant my handbag”. If you want to talk about sex, talk about sex.
Second, I still think the campaign is sexist because its success depends on the sexual confirmation from (heterosexual) men. It may create a feeling of belonging and sorority, which is great, but all of this is just based on a common act of weak and self-conscious (escape clause) titillation of heterosexual men. Not the fact that participants talk about their sexuality is objectifying but that they use their sexuality in a cheap way ‘to get attention from the boys’.
Is this campaign about creating solidarity among women? This is a worthy cause although I would try not to be exclusive. But if it is, is sexual innuendo the way to go? Do women have to create sexual thoughts from heterosexual men to get attention as a group? All at once? As many as possible? Does that send the right signals? To me, this sounds a bit like a “girls gone wild” fantasy created on Facebook – for heterosexual men. There must be a better way.
And one last thought about what you said about the terms sexism, racism and feminism. I agree that people have to be careful when they want to get a point across not to put people off by using strong words. But I also believe that there is so much *ism around and I don’t want to save the word for the one serious cause when I can finally use it. The everyday racism and sexism are the ones people suffer from all the time and it’s important to speak up to make a change. It may get annoying and people may become tired (e.g. by my saying ‘heterosexual men’ all the time) but at least I have created some awareness and people will understand that there are some things which you cannot just say or do. And that’s all I want. Not change them but make everyday life a bit less *ist.
I want to hear more about your fight against racism and sexism.
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